Polycarp goes to Hollywood to meet Mr Magoo

Polycarp went to Hollywood one fine summer
to meet Mr Magoo in Beverly Hills
they arranged to meet at the Hall of Fame
but poor old rolypoly Polycarp
landed up in a limousine in Las Vegas
mistaking a casino for a castle on the hill
and a poker for an umbrella
a dime for a bouquet of flowers
a waddling duck for a steaming bowl of bakut teh...

Oh, dear me, sighed Polycarp,
where on earth have I landed,
as Mr Magoo drove all the way to Saigon,
mistaking it for Beverly Hills
in his grand old Studebaker called the Pink Cat.

Then a grasshopper hopped into Mr Magoo's car
and nudged him back
all the way to Istanbul,
where he met a funny green frog called Hermit
had a blueberry rice pudding near the Blue Mosque
and then floated all the way to California
where he met a befuddled man with plumpy cheeks
that almost reached the floor!

Ah, Mr Magoo, you're quite late you know,
said an irate Polycarp
Do you know that I spent seven months
waiting for you in a casino
Oh, dear me, said Magoo, apologizing profusely
I never gamble, old chap,
I made a fortune making butter cookies
for the Queen of Spain
you loved them so much
she gave me a diamond to last me till eternity ...
The Queen of Spain gave you a diamond
for making silly butter cookies for her?

Oh, yes, dear chap.
Her husband was Prince Philip
and he had died sometime ago
and they used to have but one happy moment
eating butter cookies whenever they danced
cheek to cheek in the Royal Palace ...

What a strange people the Spanish are!
O yes, that's why they had the Inquisition
and called it the Mad Hatter's Tea Party!

Oh, now I see, exclaimed Polycarp so loudly
that a fat nenek in her kebaya fainted
as both Polycarp and Mr Magoo
went for a round of golf
with tennis racquets
to the amazement of Lucille Ball and Mr Mooney
who happened to be passing by on an ostrich
pulled by the Green Goblin!